I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
