Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
