New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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