It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
