I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
