he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
