It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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