I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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