Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
