Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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