It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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