Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
