also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
