He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
