New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
