I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
