"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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