just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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