someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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