He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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