You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
