How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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