Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
