There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
