Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
