well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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