Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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