I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
