If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
