i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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