I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
