Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
