Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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