he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
