I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
