Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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