it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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