My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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