if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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