i wish my penis had a tongue
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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