I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
