I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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