just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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