there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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