As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
