It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
