there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
