Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my sisters under your porch take her home
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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