Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
