Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
