I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
