She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
