Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
