But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
