Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
